I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
