Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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