I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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