it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
