i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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