I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
