I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
