i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
