That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
