so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
