mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize