just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
