I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
