There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
