He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize