i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
