Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
