No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
