Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
