You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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