It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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