can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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