went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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