he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize