Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
