the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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