Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
