thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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