I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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