yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
