I'm really into asian looking animals
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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