Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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