The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As shirtless as possible
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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