It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
