he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
