i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
