we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
