I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
