he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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