omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
