Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
