At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize