Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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