2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
