sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
