..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
organizing the empties. That sober.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
