just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize