I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i believe in u and ur pee
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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