He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
