New low: just hacked my moms facebook
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
