I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
