you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Drunk is not a location!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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