Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
