Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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