Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
