Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
