I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
