Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
