If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
