I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Randomize
