I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
being pregnant is like rehab
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
