This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
