Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize