my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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