it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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