Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
