It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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