you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
