She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
